You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
