The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
