first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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