you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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