My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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