he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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