If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she smelled like a LAN party
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want her autograph on my taint
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
