So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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