How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I deserve this hangover.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
