Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
