I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
