Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
