I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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