My nipple is on Facebook.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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