I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
why is half of my head shaved?
And then he peed in my hair
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
