I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
