btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
