he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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