I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
