She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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