Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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