even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
