Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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