so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
