is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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