Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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