woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
