; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
