fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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