If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
