His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
