I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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