I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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