Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
