So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
