Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
