If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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