Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
