i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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