This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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