I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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