The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
