ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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