I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
