Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's never too late to be topless.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
