Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
