Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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