It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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