Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
