The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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