I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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