Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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