I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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