I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
