He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
