Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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