I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How does one acquire holy water?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
