I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
