he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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