He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
organizing the empties. That sober.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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