As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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