There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
