Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
