The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
