You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
