its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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