Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
