My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
