The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
